March 17th 2020
I am sitting here right in my bathtub. I like how the water surrounds me. I love the sun shining through my windows to come to me and I think I am just acquainting myself with nature, water and sun.
The yoga instrumental coming from my iPad gives me a different euphoria and I am asking
is this all life? or there are other things. and I am thinking of so many things, so many things and one of them is how blind we are when love stares in our face. And it sucks if you are the one in someone’s face and they do not see you.
I am thinking of priorities too. I am thinking why we do the things we do, I am not giving myself any permission to leave a little room for doubt, you wonder, but I am short of words, because before I brought out my laptop here to type I had so many things saying to myself. I was speaking to the water and I had a lot to say. Sometimes maybe humans find a way to say more to nature than to another human being. Maybe because humans are complex and nature is permeable. It only listens, deeply and somehow, not audibly but nature always speaks back to us.
why don’t they see you? It’s funny because the only thing you ever wanted was to be seen, to be noticed because you felt you’ve showed more, well maybe you only felt that way.
Taking about priorities, You know you are am not on the list. so sometimes when you tell you him or her about something awful, and a new day comes, you can’t wait to hear from them.
maybe they will remember to find out, but you wait, later in the day and they ask, but they don’t stay to wait for answer I know…
maybe they asked to tick the box, if they wanted to know, maybe they would have waited.
Some of us do not have boundaries when it comes to love, we love anything and anyhow in large quantities, not that we are seeking for some kind of intimacy or romantic feeing but it is just what it is
but why?
why cant we have boundaries how much we love people and care about them?
I don’t know, do you know?
but sometimes I also think that maybe this isn’t that bad after all.
because then maybe, just maybe, we will be able to deeply feel and let ourselves die in what manner of love that sees us, whether it is a casual friendship, an intimate relationship, whether with a stranger, it doesn’t matter, as long as that thing has a heart
we hope, it notices us, just as we notice it too.
I don’t think I know the head and tail of this letter
maybe when there is so much on your heart, words take their own shape and their own forms…
maybe..
well maybe
just maybe.
Jo